Of firearms, tantrums and small children.

G'day, all!

Things in Berlin's fabulous capitol are poking along. But in a nice sort of way, I suppose. I think I've gotten over my pretty rocky re-adjustment phase (it's always such a pisser grappling with the truth of that age-old maxim "wherever you go, there you are."), and I got to spend a lovely weekend with Stephan's family up in the M-V. I rediscovered my healthy American love of playing with firearms--I'm not bad, really. Beat the pants off my European boyfriend, that's for sure. He spent the next day practicing. I had to laugh.
My second week of work is going well--most of the kids have adjusted pretty well to me, even if they're not yet quite sure what my name is, or what I want from them. I'm still doing a lot of thinking as to what my next step should be. I applied for a freelance translating job yesterday--we'll see if I hear anything from them.
I read a really interesting (and for me, really fitting) article in my favorite magazine here, Neon, about the virtues of planning your life, versus letting things happen. According to their experts, I am still in the middle of my "experimental phase" (the 20s). This means I should be trying all kinds of different things out, looking to see what I really want to do with myself. Well, I mean, that much is kind of obvious, I suppose. The more interesting thing they talked about was a sort of "internal career map". I mean, lots of little American kids are told "when you grow up, you can be anything you want--even the President!" but the thesis of the authors was that as you progress in life, your likes and dislikes as well as your experiences start to build up a profile of you that makes you compatible not just with certain types of jobs, but also gives you the characteristics required for certain jobs--for example, a high stress tolerance (moi: negative), flexibility (moi: affirmative), organizational capabilities (moi: negative) and so on and so forth. Like I said, a lot of it really is basic stuff--it really seemed profound to me because of my current "WHERE AM I GOING WITH MY LIFE!?!?!"-crisis. Well, crisis perhaps a slight exaggeration. It stresses me out sometimes more than others. It does irritate me though, that I seem to need so much longer than seemingly everyone else I know to figure out what in heaven's name my "thing" is. "Thing" is a pretty nondescript title, but I didn't want to bring the weighty words of "destiny" or "duty" or "calling" into play. Some people really do feel things like that...and I thought for a long time that I knew exactly what I wanted, too. Sometimes I have to wonder if it's not wrong to be configuring what you want to do/be to the place where you are, and not the other way around. At the same time, though I don't think it's necessary to wax so super dramatic over it.
I'm trying to limit my drama. Let's just say I've let my diva-tendencies get a wee bit out of control lately (I'll leave you all to imagine it for yourselves, though I probably shouldn't, and leave you with the tip--'t wern't pretty.)--believe it or not, working out actually helps. I really haven't any idea why. Perhaps because after doing all my reps and a stint on the treadmill, I just don't have the energy to get worked up over something idiotic, and crying would only dehydrate me even more. Also, with me only working part-time, and putting off doing my taxes and putting together the materials for my two new adult-ed classes (due at the end of the month and starting sometime in September, respectively) I've got all the time in the world for going to the gym! This is a good thing, and I hope the motivation holds on my part, since my new job isn't half as physical as my old one. It sounds weird to say that, since now I'm doing a lot more child-hefting and stroller-pushing than ever before, but it doesn't beat racing around Berlin on foot for several miles a day. All this added to the fact that I now have my own kitchen where I can make pretty much whatever I want, in whatever quantity I wish...as opposed to living with the crazy German roommates, with whom Kraut really was on the menu at least once a week, and I felt guilty taking second helpings. Well, not that it was a problem on the Kraut days...ew. Cabbage.

On a more somber note, I'm hearing and reading all kinds of disturbing things from home. There was a great article in der Spiegel that I read yesterday about how the Democrats, especially those with Presidential ambitions, have been waxing more and more hawkish in recent months. Innnnteresting, innnnteresting. I mean, I'm not so much of a hard-liner that I oppose conflict where conflict is necessary, but I do believe in diplomacy and I still think that even in the age of terror, it should be the first option. I'm very interested to see if the Democrats can play the war game any more successfully than their GOP counterparts.
Also, this whole sub-prime mortgage thing is pretty incredible. I wish I had the money for a downpayment on a house--it'd be a fabulous investment! Unfortunately, this opportunity will have to pass me by...but I hope we can avoid an utter financial collapse. I mean, I know foreign money's been pouring into the market, but the question is, will it help at this point, or is it too late. And sadly, I don't know nearly enough about markets to ponder that with you.

Aaaanyway, time for me to stretch my legs. Sitting indian-style with your laptop on your lap for too long is not recommended after extensive treadmill encounters.

bon appetit.
.mia.

My Personality...and other wildness.

While trolling through the facebook today, I found this neat little thingy that measures your "personal DNA". I've always been a sucker for personality-determining whatever, so I took the test and found out I'm a "benevolent creator" type. I'd love to see one for someone who's incredibly negative. Is it possible to get "malevolent destroyer" as your personality type? I'll have to look into that.

In other news, I've been back in Berlin for a week now, and am slowly adjusting. The first week back was actually really hard. I'm not sure why, but I found myself just generally quite upset and at loose ends. Couldn't seem to get it together in a paper bag, as they say. I'm pinning it on excessive jet lag (don't fly Aer Lingus) and post-vacation depression. Being doted on in the states didn't help a bit. Things are going better now, though--I think the weather and getting back into a routine have helped.

I started my new job in the nursery school yesterday, though and it's pretty neat. There are only a few kids, the other group leaders are pretty cool and my patience hasn't run out yet with the young 'uns. It's going to be fascinating to see how they develop, linguistically. They're all at an age where they're imitating everything and absorbing so much--I don't think it'll be long before they start to show some signs of my presence. And thanks to this job, I'll have health insurance! I'm in the process of filling out the forms! I'll finally just have a co-pay and not have to front all the expenses myself! Yaaaaaay! It's sad how excited I am over this. Really sad. Getting paid vacation and time off if I'm sick are also things I'm looking seriously forward to. Doing my taxes for last year is something I'm not at all looking forward to. I got an extension until the end of the month, but even with all the time I have on my hands, I just can't bring myself to tackle it. It's not even that much paperwork. I just don't want to do it. I'd much rather go to the gym or loll around on the terasse...not washing dishes or doing anything productive whatsoever. Since I only work around 3 hours a day, I pretty much still have vacation. Which I could get used to. It's pretty dangerous. Eventually, I'm going to have to start looking around for another job, since I don't think I really want to do this forever...which might be...FULL TIME! Imagine!
I don't know. I said I'd go into this nursery school thing with an open mind--and the first few days have been really cool. So we'll have to see. It's a question of whether or not it's worth committing to a 2 year certification program/apprenticeship. I mean, part of me wants to be really and truly qualified for something...whatever it may be. Another part of me thinks "Jeezus! A double major and a minor and THIS is where you end up?!" I have to wonder if I'm just wasting my time and talents. The kids are cute, but how am I going to feel about working with them day in and day out when I have my own? Will I be satisfied doing a job that's fulfilling but not challenging? Can a job be fulfilling and not challenging?

That's what I've been thinking about, how about you guys? As usual, thoughts, comments and suggestions are welcome. Hope you all are getting some sunshine wherever you are!