Victory is mine!

Well, at least a small one:

The groundwork for my permanent residency permit has been laid. thanks to my awesome boss. It's not signed or sealed yet, but she's agreed to help me out in a major way. So yeah. Thank heavens for that. It's a huge load off my mind and leaves me with more energy to deal with the rest of my insane to do list (uni application, wedding whatever and the basic chaos of my day-to-day).

My whole positivity mission isn't really working out, but I'm trying. I'm looking forward to spending some time resting and recharging this summer, as well as making major headway on the aforementioned epic lists.

Next week I'll be out in the Brandenburger countryside with a group of 6 monkeys from work and said awesome boss. It should be a pretty relaxed time, if last year was any indication.

Tomorrow's another obscure protestant holiday here (the Ascension) and the Monday after we come back is another one (Whit Monday), so I'm looking forward to some fun walks through Berlin in the sunshine with the Schatz. Speaking of whom, his final exams start on Friday. Please do wish him luck.

So, I hope y'all enjoyed your Memorial Day. I'll drink a cold one for you tomorrow.

Keep fighting.

Mimi

So last night I did the weekly 'call your parents on your international phone plan to get the skinny' thing and got some sad news. Mimi, the woman who spent years taking care of my sister and I, has died. She had a long battle with cancer (I can't even tell you how long ago she was diagnosed. 10 years?) and I'm glad she has found peace.

She was an amazing woman--she was already old when she started taking care of us. She got her hair permed regularly, it was beautifully grey and she wore (avon) makeup and black underwear under monochrome sweatsuits and when she got dressed up, she always looked impeccable--although I never saw her wear a dress. She never talked about her age and hated having her picture taken. The radio was always on at Mimi's--inadvertently shaping my early taste in music. She was a huge fan of Rod Stewart, although she confessed to not really knowing what he was singing about. She had 3 children and adopted a young boy after her kids were grown and raised him into adulthood. She was so fiesty, so tiny...

She hailed from Vermont where she said she was raised by the nuns. She spoke with what I can only assume was a Vermont accent--calling my sister Marra-DETH (Meredith) and Cheerios Cheeri-OATS. She was catholic and went to mass, but it was more important to her that we be well-mannered, not interrupt or even listen when grownups were talking. We weren't allowed to peek out the windows to see who was coming (we looked like "gypsies" doing that) and she was one of the only people to reprimand me for unladylike behavior. I didn't much like playing outside as a child, she called me affectionately a "house cat" and made me play outside anyway. When we got dirty, she'd tell us we looked like war orphans. Bad behavior was punished by having a time out in front of the tea-pot wall...floor-to-ceiling open shelves which housed her extensive teapot collection. I arrived there when I was four. Somehow I never had the feeling that she ever condescended to me.

She spent hours reading me my favorite books (Bartholomew Cubbins and the 500 hats, and many others), she taught me how to use scissors and cut properly the summer after Kindergarten. She devoted the entire summer between 3rd and 4th grade to re-teaching me my multiplication tables and made me my favorite pink lemonade "from pink lemons". When I went through a phase where I wouldn't eat white American cheese, she bought orange. When I wouldn't eat the orange, she bought white, all the while telling me that both types of cheese were made from the same milk and that I was being picky and unreasonable. She taught me that there are times to be tough and times to do what you're told. She knew me for a time as well as my own mother did. For my sister and I, she was the absolute authority on just about everything. What Mimi said was law and that was that.

Now that I'm older, I realize that she wasn't just a central figure to my sister and I, but also for my Mum. Without Mimi, we'd have all been lost. She was my Mum's go-to person for parenting advice. Mimi had seen it all. And she'd tell it to you like it was. With her there was no beating around the bush. I am not only thankful to her for making me the person I am today, I'm thankful to her for helping my Mum be the best Mum she could be.

Of course I have regrets. I wish I'd visited more often when I was home, I wish I'd been home more often. But I know that at least as a child, I told her that I loved her. She knew I was working with pre-K kids and I hope she knew how extensively she shaped my ideas on education. I am so thankful to have had her in my life. She's undoubtably helped me become who I am today. If I can do half as well with my own children as she did with those who were entrusted to her care, I'll be a damn fine parent.

Negative Nellies

Man oh man.

I'm starting to feel sorry for anyone and everyone who is exposed to my social media feeds. People have been emailing me being like, "gee, seems like you're having a rough couple of months!" and every time I see a post title (see my last one about funks) I feel a twinge of surprise. Much the same as I did when I got those emails.

See, the thing is...I'm an ungrateful bitch.

The Schatz's Mum has carpal-tunnel in one arm/hand and just broke her other upper arm. My dear boss is in the hospital after having lymph tissue removed, waiting for her biopsy results. Her sister died young of cancer.

And all I can seem to do is bitch about an overabundance of opportunity in my life.

"Ooh, will I get into the law program I want? Will it allow me to keep all my good paying private teaching gigs, or will I have to cut back? Will I get permanent residency in the country of my choosing?" LORDAMERCY.

It's luxury complaining is what it is. Damn it, there are people in Japan who lost everything, people die in bombings every day or die fighting for basic political freedoms (Syria, Egypt, etc.) and all I can do is piss and moan about not having *enough* extras in my life.

Sure, I'm sad that a good friend is doing a 2/3 move to some crappy city over an hour away and won't have as much time for me in the future. Yeah, I'm kinda sorta stressed about defending my early childhood ed thesis on Thursday but not enough to actually really DO something about it and gee, I'd love not to have to worry about how I'm going to finance my rockstar lifestyle while in law school. But really? Really? I'm fine. I'm better than fine--things are fcking fantastic! My life is great, not average and certainly not fcked.

I'm obviously lacking perspective. I need to be shipped back to the homestead posthaste for a good, swift kick in the butt from my yankee Mother who would knock some gratitude back into my self-absorbed skull. Or I need to go spend a few weeks meditating with Deepak Chopra, getting in touch with myself and the universe.

I follow Yoko Ono on twitter (seemed like a good idea when I reactivated my account a few years ago) and she drops these trippy pearls of wisdom on humanity. You know, things like "Write a list of everything you're afraid of. Burn it. Pour sweet-smelling oil on the ashes". Which I usually take with a grain of pink himalayan salt or completely ignore. However, she recently tweeted something along the lines of "Try not to say anything negative for 3 days. Then a week. Then a month. See how you feel." She kind of got me thinking, Yoko did. Or her ghost twitterers. Whoever. I think when I get lowdown and mean, I keep my self down. I bitch about my coworkers, my future mother-in-law, my too-many-chances and everything the Schatz does or does not do. I wallow. Seriously. And I've been doing it more on than off for MONTHS now. This aggression will not stand, man (to quote someone with a far healther lease on life than mine at the moment). So it's time. I'm going to follow Yoko's and my sainted Nana's example and try to quit talking smack. Slowly of course...gradually. Because I come from good solid smacktalkin' folk. Apart from my great-grandma, that is. But I think it's got to help. And two out of the next three days are weekend anyway, so that should be easy. I think.

...maybe I should start with three hours.

Wish me luck.

Who's got the funk? Does being in a funk count?

Oh my poor neglected blog!

Terrible how busy I've been.

All the things I listed off in my last post (months and months ago, I know) have served to keep me effectively distracted with all kinds of whatnot.

This weekend is the Berlin half marathon--which I won't be running this year, although I signed up. The winter was essentially one cold after another for me and my doctor advised me not to train with any kind of upper respiratory funk. So I didn't. Which meant I didn't wind up doing too much training. The Schatz is planning on running, I think he'll pull of a much better time than last year. It was hard for me to admit that I wasn't going to make it, but the amount of junk on my plate at the moment means that every day that isn't a war of attrition is an exercise in prioritizing. So whatever. There are other years and other races.

My Facharbeit is due Tuesday--I've got it done, now there's really only the fine-tuning left. It's been so long since I've actually had to organize a paper over ten pages that my structure is kind of junk. Got to work on that. I'm not that proud of it...despite the topic being near and dear to my heart. Time and resources didn't allow me to make it what I really wanted it to be, but perfection is the enemy of done. And I really do want to be done.

After that, there's the defense of the paper--in about a month, and then two exams in mid-May. If everything goes according to hoyle, I won't need to have oral exams and I'll be done. I've submitted a round of planning for the rest of 2011 and 2012 at the adult education center where I do some freelancing...we'll see how that works, not knowing any details of my potential university schedule.

Work at the moment is a battle. Right now we've got a decent amount of staff (two precious interns both born in the 90's, one of whom is forever in my good book for complimenting my make up) so it shouldn't be that stressful, but somehow it is. It seems like I'm throwing my energy into a bottompless pit every day. When I'm not there, I'm thinking about how to solve problems we have, how to deal with difficult parents, coworkers, etc. I love the kids--they are really everything, but it really is time for me to be done with this job, before I drop dead of exhaustion. I hardly have energy to hang out with friends--the Schatz has to drag me out and persuade me to have people over, both of which are unheard of circumstances. I'm hopefully that it'll have an end soon enough, though. Keep your fingers crossed that I hear something from one of the universities soon (it probably won't be until July, realistically speaking). Le sigh.

The good news in this dreariest quagmire of work and stress is that spring has finally sprung in Berlin. I love springtime in this city--the buds on the trees are ready to burst open with those first pale leaves and the days are getting so lovely and long. It does really make life at this latitude worthwhile. I'm counting on the sunlight and steadily increasing temperatures to get me through my exam prep and these last few months of work. I've started counting down the days...

I feel kind of terrible that I've not posted in so long and then when I finally do, it's just full of ennui. Life isn't all terrible--we were in Switzerland at the end of February and it was delightful. We're getting a return visit in mid-June which I'm looking very forward to. We'll also be headed back to the Harz for Easter with the Schatz's grandparents. I already had to give his grandfather our estimated arrival time so that he could start his menu planning. I think I'm going to start fasting now.

I'd like to be able to say with some certainty that my next post won't be so long in coming, but until I'm done with this certification nonsense, I can't promise anything.

I hope everyone's well.

Why hello, 2011...

Well, here we are.

New Year, all kinds of other new shiny things--off to a fresh start. Sort of. 2011 promises to be big for me--all kinds of official things will be decided.

Will I get permanent residency granted for 'Schland?

Will I get accepted to a German law program?

Will the Schatz win his latest lawsuit?

Oh, the fun that awaits--I simply cannot tell you.

As for what the end of 2010 gave me, I can give you the brief highlights:

There was the Christmas extravaganza, starting in Schierke-am-Brocken with the Schatz's lovely grandparents starting on the 22nd, the mad dash back to Berlin in crazy winter weather warning conditions on Christmas Day (fallen trees and snowdrifts on the train tracks included), Christmas Day-Evening-Duck-Dinner with the Schatz's Mom and Brother, the Boxing Day packing marathon and paranoid visit to the airport followed by the Dec. 27th epic show of my personal luck. It involved me, four airports, almost no layovers, delays of all sorts and for all reasons, nauseating turbulence, friendly customs agents, no pat-downs, close shaves, and a one-hour-late arrival in Portland, ME. Considering the horror stories we all heard about holiday travel in late 2010, I think we can all agree that I got very lucky indeed.

I was able to spend two lovely weeks in the Great State of Maine with my family and a very few friends (for those of you I didn't see, I apologize). It was somewhat restful and extremely caloric. My mother outdid herself with baked goods, as per usual and I watched a lot of Hogan's Heroes with my dad. I was fortunate enough to meet the wee Patrick Ramsey (Colleen's amazing, wonderful, hilarious, goregous son) and see my little sister's apartment (and experience one of her epic aerobics classes...albeit one for active older adults, which kicked my butt). All in all, it was better than I ever could have imagined.

Which always makes coming back harder. But I'm doing alright. All things considered. I only had to work 2.5 days last week, had to toe the line in school due to my recent absences and started training for the Vattenfall Half Marathon in April. Things were going well until I came home from the gym yesterday and brought in the mail. Inside was a letter from a law firm in Hamburg, alleging that the Schatz had downloaded some music in an illicit manner. And suggesting that he pay a certain amount of money for this infringement. Now, if you know the Schatz, you'll know that he is full of singleminded purpose and principle. And that simply paying up (especially if this suggestion is followed by an implied "or else") is out of the question. So it looks like we're kicking off 2011 with a legal battle. Whee!

I'm sure it will be thrilling. As will any number of other surprises that await me. For example, can I tell you, dear readers, what the Schatz's Mom thought to give everyone for Christmas this year? You'll never guess.

Tickets to see Drake.

Yes. Drake. Do you know who he is? I didn't. But now I do. And I'm going to the concert tonight with the Schatz, his Mom and his Brother. Tonight. Did I mention that?

Again, I'm sure it will be glorious. And I might post pictures, if I think to take my camera. So be very excited for that. I'm just glad that I've got today off from my .5 marathon training plan. That should mean that I'll be a trifle more hydrated and awake than on any other given evening this week. That's what I lovehate about training...you sleep SO WELL, and if you've ever struggled with that, you know how wonderful it is to be asleep before your head hits the pillow. However, it does seem to make me hungry for more sleep than is actually organizationally possible for me to achieve. This is tricky. Fortunately, there are a few days a week where I can squeak in a quick nap at work. Yay for being a preschool teacher!

Anyway, what I failed to put on my list of Events for 2011 is the end of my early childhood ed program, which entails a feisty final paper. (Mine's going to be 30 pages on bilingual language acquisition and how to best embed certain theories in educational mission statements for schools--I know, go for the gold, right? Most people are doing things like 'how beneficial is playing outside?') Oh, and there are exams. Written and oral. So that'll be fun. And considering that I didn't so much as crack a book during my supposed "working vacation" in Maine, I suppose I should make use of this somewhat sunny Sunday afternoon and get some work done. Or something like that.

Play Safe, lovelies. That's all for now.

Thanksgiving & Blessings

Why hello!

I remember you!

And upon looking at the date of my last post, I also realized that it hasn't been as long ago and far away as I thought that I'd last send a missive through the wavy waves of the interweb.

Cool.

I'm not as degenerate of a blogger as I thought.

Anyway. Back to the wild and wacky world of yours truly and all of the random shit that entails.

Welcome, I say.

What's been going on?

Well, loads and loads. I just happened through the pure coincidence which is my raging internet addiction to stumble across one of the best, most thorough horoscopes for my illustrious sign that I've seen in years (YEARS, MAN!). And basically, what it told me was 'November is your month, child. Now get your ass in gear.' Really, essentially that. With a few unmistakables such as a particular week being declared especially good for the submission of applications FORGRAD SCHOOL (I think they mentioned college, too...but that obviously doesn't concern me as much) and one week being singled out as especially good for le babymaking (unfortunately notmy pervue, although it DID cause me to fwd the link to another cancer friend).

ANYWAY, long story short, as a result I got my sht together and finally sent in my application for two law programs here in Berlin. And last Friday, I told my boss.

And you know...it really wasn't all that bad. She took it like the Real Woman of Class and Substance she is and told me that I had to go my own way and that there'd always be a dooropen for me in her little corner of the world. Cool, huh? Considering I'd been losing sleep/getting my panties in a ROYAL twist over this little sit down for...oh, MONTHS now, not half bad. I'm still waiting to hear what's missing from my application (I'm sure there'ssomething. Gotta love those German bureaucrats. Normal people cannot think as nitpicky as they are.) and I won't be getting any kind of definitive news for academic aeons, but the wheelsare moving. Just posting the damn thing was terrifying, but I'm working on that.

Otherwise, there's been the usual insane level of stress with school, clients, work and you know...the little social life I try to keep alive. But I think I sort of manage to keep things in balance...if by balance you mean some kind of death-defying, somewhat productive tailspin. But I'm not complaining. Tis not the season to complain. Tis the season to be thankful!

And thankful I am. Really. For what seem like a thousand blessings. Not the least of which is a good group of friends who humor my need to throw a fck-off dinner party in late November ever year. I make them cook in teams. They make great things. We reached culinary heights this year, in my opinion with the herbed dinner rolls. Those things were FANTASTIC. Despite afew unfortunate last-minute cancellations and a very unfortunate boxing match which kind of put a damper on the mood, it was a great time. This year, we didn't even need to borrow a table! We can seat twelve! It's great.

Other things to be thankful for include loyal clients, gainful employment, a nice warm place to call home...and (nearly) five years with the most supportive, funniest, beardiest human teddy bear known to man. And not leastly or lastly, a great family and great, loyal, supportive, wonderful friends in faraway places (yes, I mean you yanks).

Yous wonderful, alluvyas.

Thanks for being yourselves, thanks for being great (although since you ARE ALL GREAT, it comes out to one and the same. Whatever.)

Take care everyone.

X's&O's

101th POST!

Silly me, I didn't notice that I'd hit the 100 mark on ye olde blog until after I posted. So I'll have to commemorate the 101th post instead.

This won't be long, since all the whirlwindery of the last few weeks has knocked me a bit flat (might also have something to do with the miniature bacteria catapults with which I work). The Schatz has a long lab day/night tonight, so I'm on me onesies with my HSE and my sage tea. I SHOULD be writing a paper on something around the general health of small children based on some study or other, or better yet paying bills, or better YET putting together a presentation on the main jewish holidays, but instead I'm ensconced on my couch under several blankets with some physalis (for the vitamins) and some of the Schatz's secret swiss chocolate stash (for the soul) posting to all you internet folks and coughing my face off.

Sounds like a rollicking good time, non?

Berlin has decided to release her winter ire a bit early this year--it's only a shade darker at quarter past six pm than it was all day. It never really got light. Instead, it rained and winded and was generally ugly. Ohhhhhh uglyberlin. It's the jekyll side of this city to be sure. Some cities turn into sparkling winter wonderlands in the wintertime. Berlin is not one of those. From now until April, things won't really change much, barring perhaps an early March thaw. It doesn't really freeze, so snow doesn't really stick--things just get gray and rainy and raw. I think that's what has turned me into such a festive holiday person. I never used to be, but celebrating Thanksgiving and the Advent season in general last year was a turning point for me. It was so great having a mob here cooking and eating and drinking together. I'm looking forward to the planning for this year. It will indeed serve to distract me from the impending hounds of winter hell. Freezing rain was forecast for today. I hauled out my ski jacket and the lined clarks for the trip to and from work and was a happier commuter for it.

Time to get a move on with the Christmas shopping, I suppose. But also alas, time to get a move on all the work I've got to do around here.

So, happy Fall to you of the interweb and happy 101th post to me. May your apple pies be crispy on the outside and juicy on the inside and your jack-o-lanterns well cut.

xo