Today was my colleague Markus's last day. Ohhhh, Markus. I want to post to do him justice, but that's just difficult. Somehow work won't be the same without him. Or certainly not as gossip-filled. I think I'll share my top 5 favorite Markus stories and -isms with you all...just because he's gone.
Number Five: Markus the steak-eating Buddhist
Markus is a practicing Buddhist. Buddhism's great! Now, I don't know how much y'all know about the various paths of Buddha and the different tenets of Buddhism, but one of the basics is "hurt no living thing". There are monks in parts of the world who walk around with brooms to sweep insects out of their path that they might possibly otherwise tread on. These folks take love of nature and her creatures very seriously. I had the good fortune to be around when our intern, Linda, started asking Markus about Buddhism. Markus was saying how he doesn't kill mosquitoes and since he adopted this kind and accepting stance to all of Earth's creations, he's noticed that bees and wasps don't sting him, and mosquitoes are no longer a problem. Linda eventually reaches the inevitable conclusion that Markus must be a vegetarian. Surprise! Of course not! According to him, it's perfectly okay to eat and also to purchase meat as a Buddhist, as long as you do not know where the meat comes from or who killed it.
I mean, I've heard very different things from people I know who have a great interest in or who practice Buddhism...but you know, whatever helps you sleep at night, right?
Number 4: "I won't work with another man"
I'm not sure if we all knew what we were getting into when we set out to fill the job of Sandra, our MIA caretaker with a jolly good fellow named Roland. Well, actually we were planning to fill the slot with Julia, and Roland was only a substitute until Julia could leave her old job, but whatever. In the beginning, there was Roland--and I think that was the beginning of the end.
One day during this process, my boss takes me aside and asks me if I would be okay with maybe switching into our other group for a month or so. I'm flexible--I don't care, and at work, we don't do too much work in our separate groups anyway, so I said sure. My boss explained that Markus approached her about the hiring of Roland and said that he refused to work in a group with another man. I was like...ummm...okay...wait, WHAT?! Who makes demands like that of their boss?! That's not normal. I asked my boss if Markus had given a reason--apparently not. That was when I realized that something wasn't quite right.
Number 3: "Just do what I tell you to, okay?"
The stage is set--my boss is on vacation, Markus and I are working the early shift with Roland in his first week. Roland is getting on well with the kids and making a general good impression. However, on that day he'd been running late and hadn't had time to eat his breakfast. He takes out his tiny German mini sandwiches at the breakfast table in front of all the kids, explains his situation and starts to unpack them. Markus looks over and was like "hey man, you know we we're not supposed to bring stuff from home here because some of the kids have allergies. You can just eat some of the stuff we have here." but in a tone where one would have thought 'oh, okay--I'll not do it again'--which was Roland's reaction. However, he continues to unwrap his sandwiches. Markus then does a 180 and was like "Put your sandwiches away!" Roland looks at him like he's crazy and doesn't do anything. Markus then ASKS HIM TO STEP OUTSIDE. All the while, I'm sitting at the table, looking from one to the next asking myself if they're going to start yelling at eachother in the hallway. I didn't hear any blows or screaming, and eventually they both came back in. Later, Roland told me Markus had said Roland just needed to do what he said and not question him in front of the children. Needless to say, relations between the two were strained after that.
Number 2: "If you don't like the way I'm doing it, then do it yourself!"
I had the wondrous good fortune to be chosen to co-lead the year-end KiLa trip with our "big kids" (5 kids ages 3-5). My boss had chosen the period of time and the location, and Markus and I were responsible for planning, packing, supervision and whatnot. During the planning period, one of the mothers made the suggestion that we take a day trip over to the island where their family had a camp. Markus and I were thrilled with the idea, but hadn't really planned anything, when word started to get out. During the run-up to the trip, my parents were here and I had vacation time and to put it simply, I wasn't often there. Apparently, some parents, my boss included had gotten the idea that this boat trip was set in stone, without of course, consulting them. The parents I work with REALLY like to be consulted, and my boss was starting to get a bit of flak. So she mentions to Markus totally offhand that he might want to maaayyybe run off some permission slips for this little field trip within a field trip with some extra information, seeing as boats, small children and deep water were going to be involved. Upon hearing this, Markus flips his shit and starts yelling at my boss, threatening not to do the trip at all if she didn't back off and leave him to do as he saw fit.
...Charmin' fella ain't he, folks?
Number 1: Giving up, Markus style
So remember the aforementioned boat trip? Permission was granted on all sides, slips were printed and signed and on the predetermined date, we woke up to drizzling rain. However, we went ahead with our plans, packed food, the kids, life-jackets, towels, rain gear...the whole shebang, and took the bus 15 minutes to the next village to meet up with this mother.
So. Now, we're standing with five very excited small children in a boat house at the water's edge, waiting for the rain to let up. It does, and the mother asks Markus if he would mind rowing one of the boats over to the island. Markus said he would, and he gets into one boat with Linda, our intern, and two or three kids. I'm in the next boat with the mother, her friend, her daughter and two other kids. We're busy loading up and shoving off, and all of a sudden, we notice that Markus and the boat are nowhere to be seen. We row over and find them--they've drifted into a little cove on the shore and Markus proceeds to have a fit. It's too unsafe, the weather is terrible, he promised the parents we wouldn't go out if the weather was like this, it's HIS responsibility, and he refuses to be a part of it. The two women try to reason with him and they manage to draw the discussion out long enough that the rain really does let up and Markus finally agrees it's "safe enough" to row over. However, he graciously allowed the friend of the mother to take over and row for him. Later, our intern Linda told me that he never even touched the oars. He got into the boat, let it drift and began to say over and over again "This is too dangerous, we're going to have to break it off, it's not safe..."
I mean, anyone with a grain of common sense knows that in a situation which might even remotely be construed as dangerous, one does not share one's fears with any small children who might be present. Even after the weather had cleared up, the kids were scared out of their wits. My boss's son greeted her with the words, "I didn't drown!" when she picked him up. True story.
So yeah. Those are my favorite episodes of Markus-mania. Stay tuned, we're getting an Australian starting in September. His name is Matt. Hopefully he'll be half as entertaining.
