Arrived

So. This would be the famous "I have arrived" post. Meaning that I've arrived safely not only in Germany, but in Rostock and Berlin in turn as well. The first three weeks have been beyond hectic. It was great seeing Stephan's grandparents (I hunted for mushrooms in the German mountains. It was a very Little Red Riding Hood moment.) and everyone in Rostock. We're finally relatively settled in Berlin (we moved all our possessions in a re-conditioned VW van which had formerly served in the German army) although boxes are still all over the place--we've got laminate and orange paint in the bedroom and a relatively well-ordered kitchen. It's a start. The housemates moved in on Monday, which is requiring some...getting used to. I'm very very cautiously optimistic, but more on that later if I really need to vent.

I taught my first courses with wee small children yesterday, and to the best of my knowledge, they went pretty well. No one died, there were no other injuries and I think they just might have learned something. Maybe. We morphed into aeroplanes and trucks. It was pretty cool. I get to use a hand pupped named Danny. However, the number of hours I was initially promised and the number of hours that materialized on my schedule are...discrepant (can you say that?), so I'm still involved in the reciprocating shitstorm that is looking for a job in Berlin. So far I have positive feedback from a firm that offers tutoring services, and I'm applying to another tutoring/teaching company (well, okay...I should be applying to another one) as I'm writing this. Okay. Application successfully sent. Now I'm only putting off calling the third tutoring firm. I just hate phoning people in German. It's not that I can't do it, it's just that I know I make a far better impression in English or in person. And especially when you're asking for a job, it's terribly important to make a good impression. Fortunately, I'm applying for jobs that require/emphasize my foreignness, so I guess perhaps my occasionally bastardized declinations add to my authenticity...? Let's hope.

The whole "co-habitiation" thing is both more and less of an adjustment than I thought. The fact of the matter is that my relationship with Stephan is at it's best when it's just us. For whatever reason, whenever you add other people, one of us starts acting weird or dumb. I've noticed it about him and about myself...I don't know why that is. So yeah, when it was just the two of us chilling in this sweet ass apartment, it was amazing. Now that there are constantly two other people around, it's not always so cool. And I don't want to prevaricate, here. The stress has really been killer for me. We were back up in the Ha-Ro this past weekend for Max's birthday (Stephan's little brother), and I was incapacitated the whole time with fucking hellish stomachaches. I think it was a combination of not eating/irregular eating, stress and nerves. But other than that, the weekend was wonderful. Max is a darling and really loved the poker set and the Dan Brown book I brought him. The last night we were there, he got a little tipsy and asked me where I saw myself in ten years. I think that was his sweet 16 year old way of saying he hopes I'll stick around for a while. During my whole stomach-wretchedness, I must say Stephan was practically Florence Nightengale personified, which I hadn't really expected. However, today it's back to the grind. I've been on the computer doing job shit pretty much all day and in an hour, the insurance consultant is coming by to (hopefully) make us a better offer on my health insurance. It'd be nice to not pay almost 500 Euros. Less would be great. Money is (as always) an issue. Stephan's fronted most of my set up costs, which is great of him, but as much as he'd like the world to believe it, he's not made of money and I'm not going to get paid by BKS (my main job) until mid October. Shitty, but real. Oh well. I suppose I ought to continue being productive...or go make myself a snack.

"T" is for Take-off...

Damn. So I leave tomorrow evening. I've got so much more stuff to do, it's insane. I'm almost entirely packed, though, which is the important thing. It's just trying to clean up the chaos my room's become in the last 6 weeks that'll be the challenge. That and making sure I remember to do all the inane little things like make enough copies of my college diploma, print off passport-sized pictures for my visa, etc. etc. I spent some time with my grandparents today, which was awesome because they're hilarious, but also bittersweet because they're so frank about their advanced age and what that means. I mean, the fact of the matter is, I don't know when I'm coming back, my grandfather's going to be 93 this fall and although the doctor said last week that he has the colon of a teenager, unfortunately that's not everything. It's weird and selfish and whatever, but I'm not at all ready for them to die. They've been so supportive of me in whatever I've wanted to do or become...and they're so damn funny! When someone is so alert and sharp mentally, it makes it all that much harder to fathom that their body might be failing them. That makes it hard to leave. As does my parents' raging empty nest syndrome. My dad just sat in my sister's room (yes Janie, I packed in your room. Mine was a cesspit. I swear, I'll clean it...) and watched me pack. It was heartbreaking. Karen and Peter (my godparents) came by tonight to say goodbye, too. They're hilarious--Karen gave me these insane orange and pink knitted socks, which are actually the perfect gift, given that I constantly get shit from my German friends for a.) never wearing socks and b.) the ones that I do wear being grey-white and grungy.
On an entirely different note, the facebook now officially freaks me out. Of course I picked today to reject the five people who I'd left in "friend-limbo" for like, months if not years. Oh well. I mean, there were at least two of them who I really didn't have any idea who they were. But that is some creepy shit right there. I mean, everyone has a little bit of voyeur in them, but I'm sorry to say that the idea of who "friends" who on the facebook, or what groups everyone joins does not interest me in the slightest. The one thing I do like is that they now highlight what parts of people's profiles get changed. That's cool. Other than that...they should take it down a notch. Whoah.

Aaaanyway, there are about eighteen million things I need to be doing, not the least of which is composing a damn mass-email with a link to this in it. Or maybe sleeping. Sleep would be good. It's strange to think that the next bed I sleep in is going to be on a different continent. It still doesn't seem real at all. And I know it won't until I get there. I think that might be what I like about traveling--the way you're suspended between places. Nothing's really real to me when I'm sitting on an airplane flying over the Atlantic. I've got to be honest, I can't wait to see Stephan and the whole Rostock crew. It'll be stressful and all, but hopefully one of my interviews will pan out and things will start taking shape. I won't be able to post for a little while--until we're moved and have internet hooked up in the new apartment in Berlin, so this is tschao until probably the end of the month. By then I'll either be so psychotically busy that this will go entirely by the wayside, or I'll still be unemployed and stressed beyond belief. I don't know which of those to hope for, but let's go with the one that grants me a source of income.


until that day.

Aw shit, son...

So things are getting a little real up here in the wilderness. I leave in...three days. I started packing yesterday. Despite what might seem to be a bit of a late start, things are going well enough. Instead of taking the enormous body bag of yore, I'm rocking the two lovely aubergine duffels that have been a part of my family's luggage collection since I can remember. I think stuffing them to the gills with anything other than bricks will leave me shy of the weight limit and they're not half as visually intimidating (I think it's the color, personally), so I'm feeling pretty good. Now if only the pesky outstanding bills from Maine General would just *vanish*, I'd be in fairly good shape.

Apparently, I almost have an apartment--we'll hear next week sometime whether or not we have it for real, but it's in a wonderful neighborhood and the rent will be really really reasonable. If not...well, let's just not think about that. I have an interview lined up for the Sunday after I get back, and I just applied for two more jobs. Soooo I'm really hoping that this starts to come together. I mean, I've been living with this specter of no-fucking-plan looming over me for so long now that the panic attacks and such are starting to become de rigeur. Which worries me. For survival purposes I've adopted a very zen "it'll be" kind of attitude, but don't let it fool you: I'm fucking terrified. This whole caper requires a set of committments and risks that I've never had to square with before, and well...yeah. I have no idea whether or not I'm "man" enough for this undertaking. The way I look at it, though, that's not what counts. I do believe that I have enough grit in me to hack it, as long as I have good people around who've somewhat got my back. And for those of you who're concerned, that appears to be the case.

I was talking to Benny today and he managed to de-mystify the business world for me somewhat. The challenge is really going to be applying all of that on an intercontinental level. I mean, there's shit I could do over here that's respectable as all get-out, and I really don't believe myself that the only thing I'm qualified to do in Germany is play with small children (despite how gratifying it may or may not be)...but if it pays the bills until I can worm my way into another racket, then so be it. Whew. We'll see. I mean, if nothing else, it's something novel to do for another year of my life. Although, truth be told, I am getting just a tad tired of the year-to-year kind of life. You know, nine months here, nine months there, three months there kind of thing. Not that I'm ready to really put down roots, but you know. Some temporary roots might be nice. You know. A year or two or three. Germany would be an okay way to spend my 20s.

Anyway. Enough of this. There's bags to be packed and lunches to be made and dogs to be looked after. And turtles. (I'm keeping an eye on the neighbors animals for a few days. Whee!)