I'm starting to feel sorry for anyone and everyone who is exposed to my social media feeds. People have been emailing me being like, "gee, seems like you're having a rough couple of months!" and every time I see a post title (see my last one about funks) I feel a twinge of surprise. Much the same as I did when I got those emails.
See, the thing is...I'm an ungrateful bitch.
The Schatz's Mum has carpal-tunnel in one arm/hand and just broke her other upper arm. My dear boss is in the hospital after having lymph tissue removed, waiting for her biopsy results. Her sister died young of cancer.
And all I can seem to do is bitch about an overabundance of opportunity in my life.
"Ooh, will I get into the law program I want? Will it allow me to keep all my good paying private teaching gigs, or will I have to cut back? Will I get permanent residency in the country of my choosing?" LORDAMERCY.
It's luxury complaining is what it is. Damn it, there are people in Japan who lost everything, people die in bombings every day or die fighting for basic political freedoms (Syria, Egypt, etc.) and all I can do is piss and moan about not having *enough* extras in my life.
Sure, I'm sad that a good friend is doing a 2/3 move to some crappy city over an hour away and won't have as much time for me in the future. Yeah, I'm kinda sorta stressed about defending my early childhood ed thesis on Thursday but not enough to actually really DO something about it and gee, I'd love not to have to worry about how I'm going to finance my rockstar lifestyle while in law school. But really? Really? I'm fine. I'm better than fine--things are fcking fantastic! My life is great, not average and certainly not fcked.
I'm obviously lacking perspective. I need to be shipped back to the homestead posthaste for a good, swift kick in the butt from my yankee Mother who would knock some gratitude back into my self-absorbed skull. Or I need to go spend a few weeks meditating with Deepak Chopra, getting in touch with myself and the universe.
I follow Yoko Ono on twitter (seemed like a good idea when I reactivated my account a few years ago) and she drops these trippy pearls of wisdom on humanity. You know, things like "Write a list of everything you're afraid of. Burn it. Pour sweet-smelling oil on the ashes". Which I usually take with a grain of pink himalayan salt or completely ignore. However, she recently tweeted something along the lines of "Try not to say anything negative for 3 days. Then a week. Then a month. See how you feel." She kind of got me thinking, Yoko did. Or her ghost twitterers. Whoever. I think when I get lowdown and mean, I keep my self down. I bitch about my coworkers, my future mother-in-law, my too-many-chances and everything the Schatz does or does not do. I wallow. Seriously. And I've been doing it more on than off for MONTHS now. This aggression will not stand, man (to quote someone with a far healther lease on life than mine at the moment). So it's time. I'm going to follow Yoko's and my sainted Nana's example and try to quit talking smack. Slowly of course...gradually. Because I come from good solid smacktalkin' folk. Apart from my great-grandma, that is. But I think it's got to help. And two out of the next three days are weekend anyway, so that should be easy. I think.
...maybe I should start with three hours.
Wish me luck.
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