So things are getting a little real up here in the wilderness. I leave in...three days. I started packing yesterday. Despite what might seem to be a bit of a late start, things are going well enough. Instead of taking the enormous body bag of yore, I'm rocking the two lovely aubergine duffels that have been a part of my family's luggage collection since I can remember. I think stuffing them to the gills with anything other than bricks will leave me shy of the weight limit and they're not half as visually intimidating (I think it's the color, personally), so I'm feeling pretty good. Now if only the pesky outstanding bills from Maine General would just *vanish*, I'd be in fairly good shape.
Apparently, I almost have an apartment--we'll hear next week sometime whether or not we have it for real, but it's in a wonderful neighborhood and the rent will be really really reasonable. If not...well, let's just not think about that. I have an interview lined up for the Sunday after I get back, and I just applied for two more jobs. Soooo I'm really hoping that this starts to come together. I mean, I've been living with this specter of no-fucking-plan looming over me for so long now that the panic attacks and such are starting to become de rigeur. Which worries me. For survival purposes I've adopted a very zen "it'll be" kind of attitude, but don't let it fool you: I'm fucking terrified. This whole caper requires a set of committments and risks that I've never had to square with before, and well...yeah. I have no idea whether or not I'm "man" enough for this undertaking. The way I look at it, though, that's not what counts. I do believe that I have enough grit in me to hack it, as long as I have good people around who've somewhat got my back. And for those of you who're concerned, that appears to be the case.
I was talking to Benny today and he managed to de-mystify the business world for me somewhat. The challenge is really going to be applying all of that on an intercontinental level. I mean, there's shit I could do over here that's respectable as all get-out, and I really don't believe myself that the only thing I'm qualified to do in Germany is play with small children (despite how gratifying it may or may not be)...but if it pays the bills until I can worm my way into another racket, then so be it. Whew. We'll see. I mean, if nothing else, it's something novel to do for another year of my life. Although, truth be told, I am getting just a tad tired of the year-to-year kind of life. You know, nine months here, nine months there, three months there kind of thing. Not that I'm ready to really put down roots, but you know. Some temporary roots might be nice. You know. A year or two or three. Germany would be an okay way to spend my 20s.
Anyway. Enough of this. There's bags to be packed and lunches to be made and dogs to be looked after. And turtles. (I'm keeping an eye on the neighbors animals for a few days. Whee!)
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